My life in oxymorons

I love a clean house, but I hate to clean.

I like to make my kids look cute, but I don't do a thing about myself.

I can load a trailer in A+ form and know the principles of how to build a good trailer wall, but I cannot get the groceries in the back of my minivan without bruising a banana or squishing the bread. (Cornerstone, base, alternate, shelf and fill are those principles, in case you were wondering!)

I love playing card games and board games, but playing them with my kids is painful because they cannot focus and be determined about it like me!

I can find most any place with a map, but program that stupid TomTom and it pisses me off.

I really like good food, but a lot of times, I am disappointed when I go out to eat because a lot of it I can make as well at home and yet I paid a place to not WOW me.

I can back a 53' trailer into a dock spot and a straight truck thru an offset alley maneuver, but I can't back up my driveway 20% of the time.

I love the lake and boating, but not real fond of swimming with the fish I'd rather catch.

I love my kids, but they both drive me crazy and the same time they are looking so cute.

I used to ride a mountain bike and was pretty hardcore about it, but now I am scared to even ride a regular bike on a paved path.

I am usually exhausted, but still have trouble sleeping.

I love my dogs and cat, but I cannot stand the fur they produce!

Other People's Kids!!

I know I cannot protect my children forever, although I would like to. In the meantime, I will rant and supervise! Here is my rant about said subject:

If your kid watches movies that are not age appropriate, kindly tell them what is not nice about the movie and what they shouldn't share about the movie. Now, I realize that if your 5 year old is watching R movies, you might not care about telling them what isn't appropriate, but I will if they are playing with my kids! My kids do not need to hear about death and killing!! We do not make killing soup to feed to others! We do not do the swing of death that will surely kill you! When it comes time, I will talk to my kids about this subject.

If your kid is out in the street riding a motorized thing without supervision and is an idiot while riding it, I will kindly take pictures, e-mail them to the police, and also call the police on them. Maybe one of these days, you will come to realize that 11 year olds still need some guidance and you as their parent need to provide it. Instead you choose to promote poor behavior! I am sure your kid will end up a productive member of society, just like you are. (Insert eyeroll and sarcastic voice!)

If you let your kid play alone in a play area and you are not around to correct them, I will kindly do so for you. I won't let my kids get run over, pushed, or disrespected because you think the play area at Chick-fil-a is a childcare center.

I want and expect my kids to show respect, act age appropriate, follow directions and rules, and MOST of all, be kind and loving towards others. Too many parents make it awful hard for others to raise our kids with these values. Do your part, parent!! Don't friend! Hold your kid accountable! Show consequences for poor choices! And again....PARENT your offspring!

What are we teaching kids??

I was watching a friend's kids last night and after jammies for the older girl, I told her to pick a book. She picked out a chapter book, Junie B. Jones. I asked her if her Mom reads her this and she said, "Oh yes." (Note, she is almost 5.) So, I started to read. Then I went from reading in normal Mom mode to having to sensor a book written for KIDS!!! Words like DUMB, STUPID, HATE. I thought back to the books I read as a kid (or those that were read to me). One of my all time favorites is Beverly Cleary's, Ramona the Pest. So, what did I spend some time doing this evening? A little compare and contrast between kid's literature of today and kid's literature of my day. Here is an excerpt from Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly School Bus:

"I hate that Jim. After that, the bus kept stopping and starting. And lots of kids kept getting on. Loud kids. And some of them were the kind who look like meanies. Then the bus began getting very noisy and hot inside. And the sun kept shining down on me and my fuzzy hot sweater. And here's another hot thing. I couldn't roll down my window because it didn't have a handle. And so I just kept on getting hotter and hotter.And it smelled in the bus, too. The bus smelled like an egg salad sandwich.
"I want to get off of here," I said right out loud.
But nobody heard me. "I hate it in this stupid smelly bus." Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though. 'Cause I'm not a baby, that's why.
After that, my nose started running. Only the bus didn't have a glove compartment. Which is where you keep the travel tissues, of course. And so I had to wipe my nose on my fuzzy pink sweater sleeve.
Then I stayed on the bus for about an hour or three. Until finally I saw a flagpole and a playground. Then Mr. Woo drove the bus into the parking lot and stopped.
I jumped up very fast. 'Cause all I wanted to do was get off that stupid smelly thing!

What do I find wrong with this? She hates. I try to teach my daughter that we don't HATE anyone. We may not like everyone the same and some people are not easy to like, but we do not HATE them. The author does not use correct grammar!! What the FUCK? The last sentence above is a prime example. I jumped up very fast, because all I wanted to do was get off that stupid smelly bus. Kids can talk like adults and use complex sentences for crying out loud! This girl also complained about everything from the beginning to the end and complained about everyone. I CANNOT stand whining, so why would I want a book to encourage my kids to do it?

Do the Ramona books have some not so perfect things in them? Yes. Dumb is used in Ramona, but only twice (not several times in the same page). NEVER is it used to describe a person.

Ramona: "Why did you have to go and do something dumb like hiding behind the trash cans?"

Junie: "HEY, Watch IT YOU DUMB JIM!" I hollered.

I think I will be censoring reading lists and library finds for many years to come!!

For my kids....

My husband and I had some real trouble awhile back. I do not forgive easily and we are still working through some things. I was tempted to give up. I debated and looked to others for guidance. In the end, I decided to work through things for my kids first and foremost and then for us, my husband and myself. Nothing in life is easy! This fact is part of my favorite kids song right now, Jump Rope by Blue October.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqh-ucVG510&feature=colike



Today was Donuts with Dad Day at preschool. I was given confirmation about my choice of sticking it out through the good, bad and ugly by a story my daughter wrote for her Dad with her teachers, Ms. Lynn and Ms. Martha. Here is what she had to say:

My Dad

My Daddy is 10 years old.
He weighs 1 lbs. and reaches the ceiling fan like Papa John tall.
His hair is black and his eyes are blue.
My Dad loves to relax by sitting on the couch. And he likes to wear a shirt and doesn't take his boots off.
He loves to cook steak, mash potatoes and rice.
His favorite household chore is cleaning up.
His favorite TV show is Monsters and his favorite song is silly Daddy songs.
Daddy always tells me he loves me.
It makes him happy when I play nice with Buddy.
When my Dad shops, he loves to buy fruit, strawberries and chicken nuggets for dinner.
If he could go on a trip, he would go to a camping place and he would take chairs.
I really love when Dad carries me on a rock.

My kids love their Dad and they need their Dad. We may have our differences and we may have our struggles, but for my 2 kids, they need to have parents that love them and each other so they have role models like I had when I was growing up. It is so much easier to run than it is to work and stay, but the work is worth the reward when you see something this special come home!

I almost did something for nothing

I did a project with the kids this morning using Borax and pipe cleaners that I found on Pinterest (of course). I see all the great stuff Borax can do and I become inspired!! I have some really awesome All-Clad pots and pans that now look UGLY from all the cooking over the years. Borax says it is great for cleaning pots and pans. Here is a picture of my skillet:

So, I start a scrubbing and a scrubbing and a scrubbing and OUCH......my wrist after 15 minutes was sore and my upper arm was as well. When I say I was a scrubbing, I mean it! What did it accomplish?

So, I could see a difference, but when I do the math 15 min x 7 more of the 8ths of a pan left x recovery time.....I might have a nice clean pot for cooking in NEXT Year!! That of course is if I don't cook in it again until after it has finished its make-over. So, I start to think.....

1. Is anyone going to come do a pot and pan inspection?

2. Are my kids having fun in the other room while I am scrubbing away?

3. Do my kids have enough strength to make this punishment for the fighting going on in the other room?

4. Does food taste any better cooked in a pan with a clean exterior?

5. Am I crazy or something?

With the exception of #5, I answered NO! to all my questions. So, what do I have now? About 1/8 of a Borax cleaned pot, a new sense about cleaning pots, and a lot more free time, because I won't be cleaning my pots anytime soon!

Are the Classics Really Good or is My Memory That Bad?

Today, the boy turned 3. We didn't have much planned, except for some pizza and cake with our houseguests and a couple of friends. It was a rainy yucky day, so we decided to go to lunch and take in a movie. 3 kid choices were playing and I picked The Muppets. I loved The Muppet Show growing up! In 7th grade ceramics, I made a Beaker I still have in the basement bookcase (MeMeMe!) One of my favorites at Christmas time is The Muppet Christmas Carol!

All I can say about the movie was, IT SUCKED!! Whole huge public dance scenes.....REALLY?!?! A weird story line and a weird co-star that still slept in a twin bed in the same room with his puppet brother......REALLY?!?!?! A teacher girlfriend that has a classic car in her classroom that she is teaching her pupils to service. Just plain WEIRD!! So, I ask myself.....were the original Muppets really that good or is my memory just that bad? How many good things came out of the original Jim Henson Muppets? He was brilliant! I wonder if he would approve of the song and dance weirdness I saw today?

Is it just me?

Am I the only person that looks at the Pinterest boards and wants a huge house, calorie burner pills, and unlimited funds? I love so many of the kitchens I see, so why would I just want one? I have found tons of great bedroom ideas for using the eave space in the kids rooms and have decided that they each need about 4 or 5 bedrooms!! The yummy cookies and cupcakes and soups and casseroles and side dishes and salads would be made with style in my new kitchens while I taste test all my works and wash it down with wine and a calorie burner pill! The outdoor living space ideas I see make me want to rent a dozer and go to town on our back 40! Might have to invest in a snow making machine so I can get some of the winter looks I love!

So, anyone want to contribute to the Kim Pinterest Envy Made a Reality Fund?? Cash, check, credit cards, and piggy banks accepted!

All Kinds of Animals at the Zoo, but REALLY.....

The weather was super here in GA today so I decided to use my zoo pass and take the things to see the animals. They love the zoo and all that it has to offer, as do I. Every visit though, I am amazed by the number of daycares there. Today was no exception. I know some people must put their kids in a daycare situation due to circumstances and what not. Hell, we looked into it and decided it would be better to stay home and cut out some of our expenses. For those that do have to put their kids in daycare, I am sure there are those that really investigate their choice of centers. The center I witnessed today must have either been real cheap or had a fake front going when parents visited! If it was the cheap side that sold parents on it, remember....you get what you pay for! If it was a faked scene for visitors, I am here to tell you what really happens at this place. Their were 2 care givers and 8 kids. Each caregiver had a double stroller and 2 kids on leashes. I saw snot like I have never seen and no mind was paid to it. I smelled a poop and it wasn't my boy or an animal. In the Gorilla arena, where they parked it for sometime, one of the caregivers was sharing her can of Coke with 2 of the kids. Now this might not seem bad to some who do not have kids, but to me, I had to hold myself back from saying something. What this Trucker turned Momma really wanted to say:

1. If you cannot control the kids in your care without the use of leash, then don't take them out. This isn't the fucking dog park! It is a zoo and a nice one at that.

2. If a kid had snot dripping into his mouth, they sell these things at not only WallyWorld, but most every convenience store around. They are called tissues. Hell, the bathroom at the zoo has TP!! Wipe that poor kid's nose and show him that at the least, you don't think he is a dog even though you are walking him on a leash! I understand it is cold and maybe the kid should not have been sent to daycare, but maybe he should have been in the stroller and not wiping his green slime all over!!

3. If I can smell a poop and I am not right on top of you, then this place must be so bad off that the caregivers are immune to the smell. Don't make that kid walk around or sit in his/her own shit!! Clean the ass up and then go back to walking them like a dog.

4. Coke will stunt your growth! (At least that used to be one of the old sayings from my youth.) A Coke has never touched the lips of my 4yr old girl and will not for many years to come! There are many great drinks for kids....MILK, WATER, and maybe on a special occasion JUICE. The Coke was only 1/2 of the issue. It was also being SHARED!! God only knows if the snot faced kid had also been given a drink!

Parents, open your eyes! Go see what is going on at the daycare, preschool, or school where you send your child!! You have every right to drop in unannounced and observe! If you see something out of place or out of sorts.....ASK!! You are trusting these people with the future of your care!! I want to make sure my kids know they are loved so when I need to be fed or changed in my senior citizen years, it is done with love and tenderness instead of being ignored, treated like a dog, or given stuff that would rot the teeth I have left out of my mouth.

Cry for Attention

I saw someone out today while I was running errands (with my kids in tow of course) that I don't really know. I do, however, know her child and have seen her on occasion at the gym where I attempt to work-out. She of course was too self absorbed to notice me, but I think everyone noticed her. Here are some Trucker turned Momma observations:

~High heel platform boots are for hookers and pole dancers. If you are going to Target, I am thinking you are not on the clock!

~Your make-up and hair must have taken you hours! I don't care to spend that time on myself and would rather have my kids hanging with me and playing and enjoying them, because they are my kids and will only be kids for so long!

~Your one outfit (hooker boots, designer jeans, ugly sweater, and fancy purse) must have cost you more than my monthly mortgage payment!! I would rather save my $$$ for my kids education and wear shit from Target, Land's End and L.L.Bean.


~The hours I have seen you spend in the gym might pay-off, but my fat ass goes long enough to get my 30 min in and then focus on other things, like the 2 kids I have already sent to school 3 mornings a week and just thrown in the gym nursery for my 30 minutes of me time.


~Your kids are not part of your accessory collection and yet, you seem to treat them as such. This leads to the behavior issues I have witnessed. I don't pick when to parent, but parent all the time, because it is my JOB! Maybe if you look to self and see how self centered you are, you would realize the dis-service you are doing for your kids. All they want is some attention and they will do what they have to to get it. Often this comes in the form of misbehaving at the expense of other kids.

Now, I DO NOT claim to be any kind of expert, but I often look to my kids and the job my parents did with my sister and me as an example. My kids are usually fairly well behaved. They don't usually get in big trouble. They are usually pretty happy go lucky! Of course, they have their moments, as we all do, but their moments are not a HUGE issue for others nor do they tend to stretch for an entire time while in school or while we are out. I hope that my beliefs are right on, but if you think you need to rock the hooker look, lead a life for yourself, and have kids that are hellish, you go on! I will read about your serial killer while I am hanging with my well adjusted doctoral candidate children. (I can dream they will be something beyond a college grad driving a truck!)

I can be happy!

So, some friends commented on my last post that I am always so angry. My Blog is called The Rantings of a "Trucker turned Momma" and not some gleaming title that makes everyone feel so wonderful about everything! It is who I am!

There are things that make me smile. Lots of things actually! (Besides my kids, even!)

~I love it when some dumbass weaves in and out of traffic and drives like an idiot only to have me (whom he just passed and then cut off to pass someone else) pull up beside him at the next red light.

~I love it when someone pays a compliment to my kid and she says "Thanks, my Mom made it on her own sewing machine!" After that, they look at me and I can see the look on their face speak volumes of disbelief!

~I love it when I make business phone calls or order parts or even take a truck into a shop and people think a woman knows nothing about a truck and they try to play me as dumb!

~I love it when I see my dumbass neighbor struggle to back his trailer in his driveway and then look at me in disbelief when I back our camper down the driveway without a pull-up!

~I love it when I find a match for a sock I have had sitting around for a month or so. Although this is joyous, it also pisses me off wondering where that stray sock had been and who in this house hides shit on me!

~I love it when I try a new recipe but tweak it and my husband says that he loves it but the next time I make it, I tweak it a little differently and he says it is better that the last time!