My 4 yr old wanted to take dance with some of her friends this year after I talked to her about it. It is offered at the preschool she attends. I decided the price was right and it would be fun for her! Signed her up. It is now the end of the year and the recital is upon us. She is petrified! DOES NOT want to dance on the stage! She only wants to dance with her friends. We have paid money, taken her to the sessions, and now this! So what do I say??
"Are all of your friends crying and scared to dance?"
"No Momma."
"Well then you should be like them. If they want to dance then you should, too!"
WAIT ONE F'ING MINUTE!! Did I really tell my kid that? Yep I did! What will I be saying in 10 years? The EXACT opposite! "Just because all of your friends are doing it does not mean you should!"
So, after this moment of self examination, I began an even deeper look into why I was trying to push her. She is 4!
Is it really something to push her to do or am I better to pick more important battles that will surely present later in life when it is more important to have her grasp the insight of her decisions? I think I would do better to wait and battle with her at 14 over a miniskirt or low cut top that would make her look poorly than push at 4. I think I would rather help guide her through her decision about which classes to enroll in for her sophomore year than drive her to a stage at 4.
Is being scared to dance on stage at 4 normal? Hell yes it is normal!! It is normal at 25, even! She has not liked Christmas or end of year recitals in any of her classes and it is OK for a kid to not want to be at the center of attention. If it was college graduation and she didn't want to walk on stage to accept her degree, then it would be an issue, but at 4 this is normal and something I should not push.
Am I pushing her to do things because I see other people doing it and I think I should as well? Hell yes I do! But does that make it right for us? Probably not. I love my friends and I love that Burke has friends, but beyond playing with friends, she always seems overwhelmed. She would rather be a free spirit and enjoy being a kid instead of having some structured event. We are all at our happiest when we just are. What is that you ask? For me, just are is a state of being a kid and learning as I did and my parents did, which is thru love and fun! She can be a ballerina if she wishes and it doesn't have to be to a planned dance. She can be a doctor and does not need the fancy costume I bought her to dress up in. She can paint masterpieces on the driveway with water and a feather! She can run in her pink dress, red socks, blanket for long hair, and flip flops as long as she is happy doing it.
There are only so many years where you can let yourself have all the fun possible without it costing a huge toll. So, I am going to let the girl be a girl. I will still be her Momma and there will still be rules, and chores, and bedtimes, and respect, but I won't push her to do things that might make her have to be grown up before she needs to. I will let her enjoy her time as a kid!
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